Hey everyone,
Recently, a very good friend asked us what most he could do to help us in our adoption process. Connie, Sarah, and I have been eligible to adopt since Sarah turned one, but we three have decided to let everyone know we are redoubling our efforts. In fact, Sarah has decided she not only wants a brother or a sister, but in her prayers she slows down, and asks specifically for a brother and a sister. As they say, the faith of a child.... ☺
We appreciate everyone's help to this point. In fact, Sarah would not have come into our family without the help of others. We are grateful for the leads regarding attorneys, agencies, foster care and other things. We really don't know what might be the key factor of blessing our lives with another child. Connie has even been serving as secretary for our local chapter of the Church’s support group, Families Supporting Adoption, for the last few years to show the Lord our sincere desire.
In response to our friend’s query as to what might most help us, I shared some of the following:
First, is numbers. In the last 60 years, the ratio between abortion and adoption is nearly opposite. In the 1950s, nearly 80% of unwanted pregnancies were placed for adoption, and only about 3% were aborted. Today, approximately 80% of unwanted pregnancies are aborted, the majority of the remaining are raised in a single parent home, and only about 3% are placed for adoption. With the thousands of families like ours who yearn to adopt, the numbers are not promising. Thus, many couples are choosing to spend $30,000-$50,000 in private and international adoptions.
Fortunately, LDS Family Services does not allow expenses for the birthmother or the adoptive family to become unbearable. Their services for the birthmother are free, our health insurance provides some coverage for the birthmother for routine expenses if we are chosen, and our costs through Family Services will not exceed 10%-11% of our annual income.
Second, is referrals. Although Family Services helps contain the financial numbers, it is unavoidable that there are more couples wanting to adopt than there are children to adopt. Therefore, Family Services is very candid that our best chance to be selected is through referrals. Typically, if a birthmother comes to Family Services without an adoptive couple in mind, they would be given a binder full of picture collages and letters from couples like us who hope to be chosen. There are neat stories of birthmothers who were inspired in this process. However, waiting to be chosen has obvious disadvantages.
The selection and placement process by referral helps the birthmother and adoptive couple. By our spreading the word to as many people we know who know us, perhaps someone will also know of a birthmother being faced with difficult decisions. It is not hard to imagine how much faith and trust it must take to place one's child in the arms of someone else. But, even if the birthmother does not initially know us (Family Services will provide an opportunity for us to meet, if desired), her knowing and trusting that the referring persons would only refer someone they know and trust can bring comfort and peace of mind in the selection process. Such is the way the miracle of our Sarah came to us.
Finally, Family Services practices a fairly open adoption process. It was once thought that a birthmother would do better by placing her child and never looking back—meaning, no contact was made after placement regarding the outcome or progress of her child. It was designed to prevent birthmothers returning to take their child back.
Fortunately, the approach has changed. Research has shown, if a birthmother desires it, that occasional updates, photographs, and letters within the first year or so (Family Services has certain recommendations), the birthmother is often able to feel more confident her decision was correct and her child is doing well. Knowing her child is safe, loved, and cared for lessens her own anxiety and allows her to move on with her own life.
The process from here is fairly simple. If you feel you could recommend us as parents who recognize their inadequacies, but who are sincerely striving to create an eternal family, you may share information about us to help them get to know us, and may even show the attached photograph. Family Services recommends sharing our first names, but if possible, not revealing overly specific information such as our last name, exact address, or telephone number.
If the birthmother is interested in considering us, she may contact her local LDS Family Services office, or the Ogden office and ask to speak with Marisa Stringham (801 644-8339), our caseworker, regarding us, Jeremy and Connie. She will then be guided, without obligation, through an inspired process to assist her with any decision she makes.
Connie and I are eternally grateful to those who have helped our beloved Sarah be a part of our family. We would likewise forever appreciate the opportunity to love another child as our own.
Sincerely,
Jeremy, Connie, and Sarah
Recently, a very good friend asked us what most he could do to help us in our adoption process. Connie, Sarah, and I have been eligible to adopt since Sarah turned one, but we three have decided to let everyone know we are redoubling our efforts. In fact, Sarah has decided she not only wants a brother or a sister, but in her prayers she slows down, and asks specifically for a brother and a sister. As they say, the faith of a child.... ☺
We appreciate everyone's help to this point. In fact, Sarah would not have come into our family without the help of others. We are grateful for the leads regarding attorneys, agencies, foster care and other things. We really don't know what might be the key factor of blessing our lives with another child. Connie has even been serving as secretary for our local chapter of the Church’s support group, Families Supporting Adoption, for the last few years to show the Lord our sincere desire.
In response to our friend’s query as to what might most help us, I shared some of the following:
First, is numbers. In the last 60 years, the ratio between abortion and adoption is nearly opposite. In the 1950s, nearly 80% of unwanted pregnancies were placed for adoption, and only about 3% were aborted. Today, approximately 80% of unwanted pregnancies are aborted, the majority of the remaining are raised in a single parent home, and only about 3% are placed for adoption. With the thousands of families like ours who yearn to adopt, the numbers are not promising. Thus, many couples are choosing to spend $30,000-$50,000 in private and international adoptions.
Fortunately, LDS Family Services does not allow expenses for the birthmother or the adoptive family to become unbearable. Their services for the birthmother are free, our health insurance provides some coverage for the birthmother for routine expenses if we are chosen, and our costs through Family Services will not exceed 10%-11% of our annual income.
Second, is referrals. Although Family Services helps contain the financial numbers, it is unavoidable that there are more couples wanting to adopt than there are children to adopt. Therefore, Family Services is very candid that our best chance to be selected is through referrals. Typically, if a birthmother comes to Family Services without an adoptive couple in mind, they would be given a binder full of picture collages and letters from couples like us who hope to be chosen. There are neat stories of birthmothers who were inspired in this process. However, waiting to be chosen has obvious disadvantages.
The selection and placement process by referral helps the birthmother and adoptive couple. By our spreading the word to as many people we know who know us, perhaps someone will also know of a birthmother being faced with difficult decisions. It is not hard to imagine how much faith and trust it must take to place one's child in the arms of someone else. But, even if the birthmother does not initially know us (Family Services will provide an opportunity for us to meet, if desired), her knowing and trusting that the referring persons would only refer someone they know and trust can bring comfort and peace of mind in the selection process. Such is the way the miracle of our Sarah came to us.
Finally, Family Services practices a fairly open adoption process. It was once thought that a birthmother would do better by placing her child and never looking back—meaning, no contact was made after placement regarding the outcome or progress of her child. It was designed to prevent birthmothers returning to take their child back.
Fortunately, the approach has changed. Research has shown, if a birthmother desires it, that occasional updates, photographs, and letters within the first year or so (Family Services has certain recommendations), the birthmother is often able to feel more confident her decision was correct and her child is doing well. Knowing her child is safe, loved, and cared for lessens her own anxiety and allows her to move on with her own life.
The process from here is fairly simple. If you feel you could recommend us as parents who recognize their inadequacies, but who are sincerely striving to create an eternal family, you may share information about us to help them get to know us, and may even show the attached photograph. Family Services recommends sharing our first names, but if possible, not revealing overly specific information such as our last name, exact address, or telephone number.
If the birthmother is interested in considering us, she may contact her local LDS Family Services office, or the Ogden office and ask to speak with Marisa Stringham (801 644-8339), our caseworker, regarding us, Jeremy and Connie. She will then be guided, without obligation, through an inspired process to assist her with any decision she makes.
Connie and I are eternally grateful to those who have helped our beloved Sarah be a part of our family. We would likewise forever appreciate the opportunity to love another child as our own.
Sincerely,
Jeremy, Connie, and Sarah
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